Why Disney Princesses Are Perfect Role Models

I saw an article today titled "Why Drag Queens Are Better Role Models Than Disney Princesses" and the arguments it presented caught me a little off guard. Not because I believe drag queens are bad role models, but because I believe Disney princesses are fantastic ones.

The article presents three main arguments: 1. Drag queens don't discriminate (while disney does because only a handful of princesses aren't white.) 2. Drag queens work for what they have (but only one princess has a job.) and 3. Drag queens have a sense of humor (but I guess princesses don't?)

Don't get me wrong, I agree 100% that drag queens aren't discriminatory, they work hard and they know how to laugh and have a good time. All things that someone might look for in a role model. This, however, does not mean Disney princesses aren't similar in these rights.

1. The reason most Disney Princesses are white is because those movies started coming out in the 1930's, and most of them are based on even older folklore, fairytales, etc. When these princesses were being brought to life, the idea of racial equality wasn't around. The princesses race reflects the times they were thought up. It makes sense that we didn't have an African-American princess until after we came leaps and bounds in terms of racial equality. So what if the first five princesses are white? Princesses of any other race when they made their Disney debuts would have been just as big of a deal as it apparently is today for them to not be more diverse.

2. So only one princess had a paying job, but that does not mean the rest of them weren't working their asses off long before her. Cinderella spent every day hard at work doing whatever her step-mother told her to do, Pocahontas spent long hours in the fields to help sustain her tribe and Mulan trained hard to be a soldier for her country. Yes, generally "princess" means you're born into wealth and don't have to work, and while that's true of many of them, they also didn't sit around and do nothing.

3. I don't even understand this argument. Ok, so yes, drag queens do have a sense of humor and the ability to make their audiences laugh. This article, however, specifically says "I can't recall one princess with the ability to laugh at her ridiculous plights. Instead, the princesses always awaken into a smiling song" Sorry that princesses don't have a sense of humor about the fact that they were locked in towers for years, thrown into the woods alone or mistreated by an evil step-mother after suffering the loss of both parents. Would you laugh about that? As for them awakening into a smiling song, even if they don't necessarily have a sense of humor about their situations at least they're able to stay positive. Most people who have survived what these princesses went through before finding happily ever after wouldn't be laughing about it either. 

So there you have all of the main arguments easily refuted, but what bothered me most about this article's opinion wasn't even one of the main arguments but rather a side note thrown in at the end:

“[Disney Princesses] are a perpetuation of the stereotype of the weak, dumb woman who obediently waits for a man to come along and make her valuable.”

Now I personally like to think that I'm a princess, but princess to me has never meant being weak or dumb or waiting for a man. It means the exact opposite. To me being a princess means being strong and intelligent. I also believe it means not needing a man to rely on, but that doesn't mean you can't still want to find true love. 

I truly believe that Disney Princesses perfectly uphold the idea of strong, intelligent, and independent young women. Here's just a few of them who not only show what a real princess is, but are also the perfect role model:

Belle: The movie starts with literally the whole town making fun of her for being “odd” because she’s intelligent, and all she does is read all the time. And yes, maybe her favorite part of the book she’s reading is when the main character meets prince charming, but despite the fact that she’s looking for him, she doesn’t settle for the most handsome man in town who just so happens to want to marry her. She turns him down and falls for a beast instead. Although he may end up being a handsome prince in the end, he wasn’t when she fell in love with him. Plus, she ended up in the Beast’s castle after bravely going by herself through some sketchy woods to save her father, and taking his place so that he could be free. As far as I’m concerned Belle is far from the helpless little girl who needs a man to make her valuable. She doesn’t care what other people think about her and she isn’t looking for a handsome man to save her, or even a necessarily handsome man at all. 

Pocahontas: If you want to find a strong, intelligent young woman who could care less about her relationship status, look no further than Pocahontas. She works hard to help her tribe, she knows everything there is to know about the land around her, and she is much less than thrilled about the idea of being married off. She wasn’t sitting around doing nothing waiting for a man when John Smith came along, and when he did show up, she taught him more than he ever taught her. It seems like John Smith needed Pocahontas a lot more than she needed him.

Mulan: How many girls do you know that would pretend to be a man and go off to a war so that their disabled father wouldn’t have to go risk his life? Answer: none. Mulan was a badass. She survived a war and saved her entire country. I don't think anyone weak could do that. She also never sat around and waited for a man. She didn’t even want one. She spends all that time getting prettied up and meeting with a matchmaker not because she wants a husband, but because she wants to bring honor to her family. Had it been up to her she probably never would have gone to see a matchmaker in the first place. It was her family that was pushing this idea of needing a man to make you valuable, not her own personal views. Weak, dumb and waiting for a man is the exact opposite of Mulan.

Jasmine: Princesses are supposed to just sit around and wait for a man to come along and be perfectly content to do so, right? Well Jasmine disagrees. Although that’s what her father wants her to do it is far from the life she wants for herself. She runs away from her perfect palace and falls for a commoner: a.k.a. a man who has no way of making her “more valuable.” And although her attempt failed, she also ends up being the one who tries to save him, not the other way around. When Aladdin comes back to find her, this time as a handsome prince, she wants nothing to do with him. It isn’t until she realizes who he really is that she falls in love with him again. Of course, Aladdin does end up rescuing Jasmine in the end, but that isn’t to say she is weak or dumb, and she had fallen in love with him long before he saved her.

There are plenty of examples of Disney princesses who are far from the stereotype of weak, dumb, women. And while all of these princesses do end up with a man by their side in the end, it isn't because they sat around and waited for them or because they needed them to make them more valuable. It's because whether you want to agree or not, everybody wants to find true love. These princesses are all lucky enough to have found it, and probably not because they were weak and dumb, but because they were the exact opposite. 

These women were strong. These women were smart. And these women didn't need  a man (not all of them even wanted one,) but they were still lucky enough to find an amazing one.

If you're looking for a character to be a good role model, I see no one more fit for the job than a Disney Princess. 

~Melissa Tamar

If you want to read the original article: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/joy-martinmalone/drag-queens_b_4006697.html?ncid=edlinkusaolp00000003

Reasons and Silver Linings

We all know the phrase "everything happens for a reason."

We use it as a way to make us feel better when things go wrong, a way to justify the current events in our lives. I used to believe whole heartedly that it was absolutely true, there is a reason for everything that happens, whether or not we know what that reason is.

For a little while I stopped believing that everything happens for a reason, mostly because a few things I really wanted didn't go my way and I couldn't believe there was any possible explanation why.

I like to think that I'm a fairly optimistic person most of the time, and while I admit there was a period of glass-half-empty attitude following a few things whose results I wasn't too pleased with, I ended up with a theory on the idea that "everything happens for a reason." We all have things that don't go as planned and events or outcomes that seem to have no reason, and while some people are content to feel bad for themselves for far too long, I'm not one of them. That's why I decided to share my personal approach to making the most out of everything that happens.

DISCLAIMER: Whether or not you believe in everything happening for a reason, this whole approach is going to require you to keep an open mind about it.

Rule Number 1: Make a Reason for Everything that Happens

If you believe that everything happens for a reason, chances are you're going to try to find that reason every time something unplanned happens. But you shouldn't. Reasons present themselves when they want to and sometimes you'll find them right away, but sometimes it can take a long, long time, and you don't need to waste all that time searching.

Like I said, it can be a long time before you ever realize what the reason behind something was. Until then, you don't need to know what the real reason was, you can make it for yourself. Come up with every possible reason why something could've happened the way it did, instead of the way you planned it. Who knows, maybe the reason you make up for yourself will be the real one, or one of many real reasons. As long as the reason you make makes sense to you, there's no reason why that can't be the real one.


Rule Number 2: Find the Silver Lining

As aforementioned, I like to think I'm a pretty optimistic person, and as an optimist I truly think it is rare that something happens and no good comes of it. Thus, the silver lining. Everything has one if you look close enough. Every less than ideal situation you find yourself in will result in at least one good thing. Maybe you'll learn a life lesson, maybe your attitude towards something or someone will change. Even going to the dentist, a less than ideal situation for most people, has a silver lining: you usually get a sticker (or free toothpaste, because for some reason medical offices seem to think 18 year olds are too old for stickers, which absolutely is not true.) Regardless of how bad things look, there is always a silver lining. You may need to look at things from a new perspective or get outside input on a situation, but I promise you will find one if you look close enough.

Rule Number 3: Reverse the Phrase

This rule is less about making the most out of everything that happens, and more about realizing what has happened as the result of what you didn't realize was a reason. Think if it as an exercise in finding a reasons.

The phrase is "everything happens for a reason" right? And that's the order it usually goes in, something happens and it's not till later that the reason shows up. A situation (what happened) comes first, and the reason it happened doesn't show up until later. Just like the phrase suggests, the reason comes second. Sometimes though, one tiny little reason can be the beginning of something happening, and it isn't until later that you look back and realize what something started.

That's actually the whole inspiration behind this post, realizing the reason for something.
Yesterday I was texting my best friend, as I do all day every day (we are never, not talking) when we started talking about the reason we're even friends. Here's a little backstory for those of you who don't know the two of us, or for those of you who do but somehow haven't heard this:

Sophomore year at a convention we happened to be sitting at the same table for dinner with some mutual friends. She was having a conversation with the girl sitting in between us when all of the sudden I overheard the word "tomfoolery." Don't ask me why I thought that was so funny, but for some reason I did, so I asked her "did you actually just use the word tomfoolery in a sentence and can we be friends?" She said yes to both, told me her name was Nikki and the rest is history. Three years later and she's still my best friend in the world.

Whenever one of us needs advice about anything, we always go to each other, and yesterday was no exception. After we solved the problem being faced at the time I got a text from her that said
"For the record, it's a really good thing I decided to use the word tomfoolery in a sentence at winter conventions cuz like what would I do if you weren't my best friend?"
That one thought got us both thinking: what if she hadn't said that? We would've met each other eventually at another convention but would we be as close as we are now?

This is the perfect example of there being a reason for everything that happens. Not for everything happening for a reason, but the other way around. The reason came first. The entire reason that we are best friends is because of one word that she said at the exact right time on December 21, 2010. The next three years of friendship is what happened, but the reason came first.

Obviously this rule doesn't apply to using "everything happens for a reason" to find the upside of a bad situation. It actually isn't really a rule at all. It would probably be more appropriate to call it the exception, since it is just using the phrase backwards. Either way, it can give you a new perspective on something you never thought very long and hard about (like the reason you and your best friend are in fact best friends.)

So that is my approach to the idea of everything happening for a reason, but to sum things up I have a song quote:

"Some believe in destiny and some believe in fate, I believe that happiness is something we create."

To be honest, I believe in all three of those, and I think my rules to applying "everything happens for a reason" requires all three. To find or trust the reason behind things that have happened, it helps to believe in destiny and fate. If you don't believe in either though, it's still easy to come up with your own reasons or to find your silver lining, as long as you believe that you create your own happiness.

By no means am I pretending that I have really good advice or saying that this will work for everyone, but if for some crazy reason you decide to trust me, this always works for me.

Whether it's as a result of this advice or not, I hope you find your reasons and silver linings.

~Melissa Tamar

To Where We've Been and Where We're Going

It's pretty easy to go from day to day without ever really stopping to think about where you are in life. It seems like the only time we stop to actually think about it is during transitions in life, and maybe during the new year, depending on how big you are on reflection. There's no doubt that right now I'm going through a major transition - moving out and going to college. It's also the new year (Rosh Hashana, the Jewish new year for those of you who don't know,) and as it turns out I'm pretty big on reflection too so if you combine those three factors I've definitely spent some time recently thinking about where I am in life.

A year ago I knew that I would be moving away soon, but I had no idea where to. For awhile I was hoping maybe I would end up at University of Maryland or University of Georgia, but I soon realized neither of those places were going to start me on the path I wanted to take (at least not until junior year when journalism school applications opened.) After narrowing down my list, finishing applications, and getting acceptance letters, where I would end up came down to four potential places: Tempe, AZ, Ft. Collins, CO, Bloomington, IN or Boulder, CO.

(If you happen to be friends with me, or even just facebook friends with me, you probably (hopefully) know where I ended up. If you don't, just keep reading.)

Last year at this time I remember sitting in the back of the temple I grew up in at Rosh Hashana services thinking "this might be the last year here", and instead of reflecting on everything that had happened in 5772, I was looking forward. Not even to the coming year, but the year after. I knew that the upcoming year was going to be a year all about figuring out my future. It was a year that was about the years to come.

Fast forward to this Rosh Hashana and now I'm living that future. It's weird to think that just one year ago I didn't know what city I would be living in right now. Let alone a year ago - I didn't know what city I would be living in now until late April.

Back to having four potential future homes- I pretty quickly eliminated 3 of those choices. So you would probably think that that means I easily decided where I wanted to go and that's where I am now, happily ever after. But no. At the time I decided that more than anything I wanted to go to Bloomington to study at Indiana University. I had my heart and my mind set and I was ready to pack my bags and head out to Hoosier nation.

I don't really need to go into detail about the many reasons why that didn't end up working about, so let's just leave it at the fact that out of state tuition is really really ridiculously high.

I don't think I realized it at the time but I got my mind so set on going to IU that I forgot how much I loved the other schools I had gotten into. I let myself forget the fact that something I had dreamed of for six years was still there waiting for me.

If you haven't guessed by now that I obviously ended up in staying in Colorado (out of state tuition comment should've been a hint), or you have but couldn't figure out where in Colorado I went, then here ya go...

When I stepped onto the CU campus for the 1st time in 2007 to bring my brother to school, I knew it was where I wanted to go. Fast forward six years and I couldn't be more excited to officially be a University of Colorado Buffalo.

I think the point of this post started out as advice to make sure you stop to think about where you are in life more often than usual, and ended up just being a story about where I've been in life for the past year. So I guess the moral of the story goes out to all of you current high school seniors, freaking out about the fact that you don't know where you're going to be a year from now. It's more than ok to freak out, because it's scary not knowing. But just keep in mind that you're going to end up right where you belong, even if it's not where you thought it was going to be.

It's officially been two weeks for me of living in Boulder: dorm life, dining halls, classes, getting lost on campus, making new friends, winning rival football games and so much more and I could not be happier (or more exhausted.)

And L'Shana Tova to all my Jewish followers! May you have a wonderful and sweet new year - wherever it takes you.

Here's to where we've been and where we're going - but most importantly, where we are right now.

~Melissa Tamar
(Blogger Buff)

Get Frustrated

About two years ago at a youth group convention, I went to a program for all of the chapter presidents in our region. During the program, our regional president gave us each a piece of paper and a pen and asked us to answer a few questions. Who has inspired you? How do you want to inspire others? What changes do you want to make? How are you going to accomplish them?
After answering all of the questions, she gave us a piece of advice: get frustrated.

It seemed counter-productive, getting frustrated. Why should we get mad about things, that doesn't seem like a good way to lead. But really, what would happen if we never did? How are you ever going to change something if you're not frustrated enough in the first place to care if things change?

That piece of paper from the program is still hanging on my wall in my room. In the middle of all the answers to those questions it says in big bold underlined letters GET FRUSTRATED!

I've gotten so used to it being there though, that I forget to listen to it. I remembered it the other day when I was talking to a friend about an annoying situation I was dealing with and I caught myself saying "I'm trying not to get pissed."

Why shouldn't I though? I won't go into detail about what it was, but I obviously cared about the situation enough to get pissed, so why should I stop myself from feeling what I did?  In this particular case, getting frustrated isn't going to change anything, because it's completely out of my hands. But at the very least, it feels better than pretending to be okay with something you're not at all okay with.

If people didn't get frustrated, I bet a lot of things wouldn't exist. Why do you think the light bulb was invented? Thomas Edison probably got really frustrated with how dim candlelight is and how messy wax is.. Okay so I actually have no idea why he invented it, but it makes sense, and light bulbs are a hell of a lot less frustrating than I imagine it is to live by candlelight.

The point is, it's good to get frustrated. Yes, there are right times and wrong times to get frustrated. Some settings really aren't the time and place to get upset. Some things really just aren't worth your time and energy to get worked up about. But chances are, if something matters enough that it pisses you off, it's worth it. Go ahead and rant to your best friend, scream into your pillow, stomp angrily around your house. Or blog about it if that's the kind of person you are, which obviously, I am.

Get pissed. Get angry. Be upset. GET FRUSTRATED. 

Who knows, maybe in your fit of frustration you'll come up with a solution to whatever it is you're not happy about. If you ask me, getting frustrated is the key to getting things done. 

It's okay not to be okay with something. It's okay to want things to be different. It's okay to let yourself feel exactly what you're feeling, and not pretend to feel differently. It's okay - in fact, it's encouraged (at least by me,) to get frustrated.

~Melissa Tamar

Why I write when I write

"Melissa, why don't you write more often? You haven't updated your blog in months."

Most people who actually read my blog check out a few posts occasionally when I put the link on Facebook or Twitter in hopes that someone will actually care what I have to say. Few people actually follow me and constantly check back for updates, but for those that do they're constantly asking me that question: "why don't you write more often?"

Usually I tell them it's because I'm just too busy, and honestly that's true. I just graduated high school, and as easy as most people say second semester senior year is, it's not. At all. Whoever came up with that lied. So naturally, now that it's summer and I have no obligations I'm going to start writing new posts so often you'll barely be able to keep up right? Wrong.

Being busy isn't even half of it (ok so it's one out of two reasons, but it's not proportionate so it's not really half.) As much as I wish I could just sit down and write something that I feel is worthy of actually being published, I can't. Something has to make me want to write.

There's a reason I don't write fiction. Because everything I find worth writing is something I'm personally passionate about. I write things from my heart, so that anyone who reads it can get to know me a little bit better. I can't just make things up. And because I write about things I'm passionate about, I can't just write about anything.

When I'm really, genuinely passionate and excited about what I'm writing I can go on forever and sometimes it feels like the words just won't stop. But when I'm not excited.... I just get stuck. I have no idea what to say. The words stop coming. Nothing sounds right. It's not even worth reading.

Right now I have a note on my phone with a long list of things I'm excited about that I didn't have time to write about when I thought of it. Hopefully now that I have more free time I can finally catch up on that list. But once I get through that list, the posts will come whenever I'm inspired.

So next time you're wondering "why hasn't Melissa updated her blog recently?" that's why.

~Melissa Tamar

p.s. this is for you Max, for always asking.

that 4 letter word.

“The one thing we can never get enough of is love. And the one thing we never give enough of is love.” ~Henry Miller

Love. Four little letters with a huge impact and a never ending meaning.

If you ask a lot of people it's overused and overrated. But I disagree.

Love doesn't have to be a feeling reserved for your significant other and it isn't something to be "used sparingly." Yes, of course, you should love the one you're with, and it isn't something you should force or rush into. But it is something you should fully embrace once you feel it. As far as I see it, a life without love is a life without meaning. But love, to me, is everywhere. Not just in relationships and romantic movies: everywhere.

Love is the feeling you get when you walk into a familiar place that you haven't been to in a long time.

Love is laying on the floor of a dusty barn for hours to keep an eye on your sick pet.

Love is letting yourself be passionate about something and not caring what other people think about it.

Love is being able to know exactly what to say to cheer up your best friend at all times.

In a society of valentine's day cards, romantic comedies, and countless couple pictures on tumbr, it has become easy to feel like if you're not in a relationship, you don't know what love is. But that's where society is wrong. Everyone has more love in their life than they realize: love from family and friends, love of the things you do with your life, love of the little things that keep you going.

As for real, true, once in a lifetime, romantic love, I don't know what to say. I'm only 18, ask me in 10 years.

But that one four letter word has a much greater presence than we give it credit for: love is everywhere in your life, you just have to find it.

~Melissa Tamar

p.s. this topic was a special request from a reader, if you have something you want me to write about let me know!

My Zero Tolerance Policy

I like to think that I am a genuinely nice person, and I try to see the best in people at all times. I put up with a lot from people before I decide they're just too much for me to handle. There is one thing though, that gets on my last nerve just about as quickly as possible. One thing that people do that I will absolutely not tolerate.

When people talk crap about my friends right in front of me.

We all have people in life that we're going to clash with. I certainly have a few. The important thing is how we choose to deal with them. And allow me to be the one to tell you that discussing how much you don't like someone in an incredibly public place is not exactly the classiest way to go about disliking them.

I fully understand the need to vent about your negative feelings towards certain people, but you have to be careful where you do it. Talk to your best friend, talk to your mom, talk to yourself, but don't talk to anyone and everyone who will listen (or who will overhear.)

One day sophomore year I heard someone talking to their friend about how much they hated one of my best friends. I would like to think she wasn't purposefully talking about it so that I could hear, but I was sitting right in front of her so there is really no way she didn't know that I could hear her repeatedly saying my best friend was "full of herself" and "a hypocrite" and "such a bitch."
I have barely spoken two words to that girl since sophomore year, because every time I see her I think of everything she said when she knew I was listening.

Recently another one of my close friends has been the subject of a lot of negative conversations that I've overheard. I know the people talking about her don't realize that there are people around who know and care about her, but that doesn't change the fact that going around talking about how much you don't like someone is never the right thing to do.

As far as I'm concerned there are two things you can do when you truly have a problem with someone:

1. Tell it to their face. Stop sneaking around behind their backs talking about them and confront them about whatever it is you have a problem with.

2. Keep it to yourself. Not everyone needs to know if and why you don't like someone. If you really need to vent then pick one person to vent to and do it in private. You never know who is within hearing distance.

I have zero tolerance for people who think it's okay to talk about my friends in front of me.
If you have a problem with someone, you don't need to share it with everyone, and you certainly don't need to share it with that persons friends. 

~Melissa Tamar

Why I Write

I believe the first time I ever wrote, really wrote: about my feelings, my thoughts, everything, was in fourth grade when my teacher made us all buy journals and write in them every day. I still have mine. The first thing I ever wrote in there was about how mad I was that my best friend and I had bought the same notebook. The rest of that one is blank and all my other fourth grade writing is in a different one. One that did not match my best friends.

Why do I write?

I write because my teachers tell me to.

Why do I write?

I write because sometimes it is the only way I can think straight.

Because sometimes putting pen to paper is an easier way communicate than trying to talk. Because thinking through my pen helps me organize my thoughts, better than thinking to myself. Because writing is my way of expressing anything and everything that I need to, and because my paper is sometimes the only thing that will not talk back or question what I have to say.

Asking why I write is like asking why I breathe. Without writing, I would have so much bottled up emotion, so many stories I will end up forgetting. So many words left unsaid…

I write because writing is sometimes the only thing I can turn to when I have a bad day, or an amazing one. Writing is a way of letting everything I have to say out without actually having to tell anyone. I can reveal secrets; I can share my hopes and dreams. And I can say exactly what I’m thinking without judgment and I can be whoever I want to be.

That day when someone was just awful to me and I wanted to tell them exactly how I felt? Writing lets me do that. That time when I was completely and utterly at a loss for what to do and needed someone to turn to? Writing let me do that. That time when I had the best day of my life and absolutely could not wait to share it with someone? Writing let me do that too.

Writing lets me complain, lets me cry, lets me laugh, and lets me smile without ever asking why, even though I typically explain. 

Writing is my way of sharing without sharing. A secret I want no one to know, and yet I cannot keep to myself: I tell it to my writing. A person who has done me wrong that I want to yell at but can’t: I yell at them in my writing. My writing is my best friend: it knows everything there is to know about me. It is my safe place to spill my guts and let everything out that I have been keeping in for far too long. Writing is my best friend.

Do I write as often as I should? No, I don’t. Do I read other people’s writing as often as I should? Not nearly enough. Do I turn in my school writing assignments on time? I absolutely do not. But by no means, does that mean that I do not love to write.

Writing is something very personal for me, something I have to want to do. When I get assigned something for school, I usually can’t just sit down and write. But when I have something I need to say, and no one to say it to, writing is all I can think to do. 

Whether it is a song, a poem, an article for the school newspaper, or rambling on about nothing in a journal or a blog post, putting pen to paper and just writing is therapeutic. 

I have an entire basket full of journals sitting on my dresser. A lot are empty, waiting to be filled. Most of them though, are full. Whether it’s from fourth grade, seventh grade, freshman year, a mix of different years, months of no writing, or day after day of writing, they’re full. I will never ever get rid of them. Because that is the one place where every memory that was ever important enough, every thought I couldn’t share with everyone else, and every single reason why I write is stored. 

~Melissa Tamar

Dear Best Friend,

I actually have a lot of best friends (despite popular belief that you can only have one,) but this is for one in particular and by the end of this post you'll know who you are.

Dear Best Friend,

If there's anything you've taught me in the last few years it's to go after what you want, and take everything life throws at you head on. Because that's what you always do.

Dear Best Friend,

If it weren't for you there are a lot of chances I probably never would have taken, and a lot of decisions I could not have made on my own. If it weren't for you I would not be who I am today.

You're always the first to know everything that happens to me and there is nothing I keep secret from you because we are never not talking. I actually don't think it's possible for us to go more than a few hours without talking. Except for when we're in different countries, but even then I still send you daily updates, because I know you read them all, even though you can't respond.

Dear best friend,

Remember when I told you I wanted to coordinate a BBYO summer program but I was too scared that I wasn't going to get it? I believe your exact words were "Why wouldn't you? YOU are Melissa Tamar Oxenhandler, YOU are my best friend and they would be stupid not to pick YOU."
So maybe they didn't pick me, but I never would have applied if you hadn't said that.

Remember when I wouldn't stop crying after winter convention last year and I told you how bad I felt that I was feeling sorry for myself and not being happy for you? I believe your exact words were "I don't care if I'm on regional board and you're not, because I'm your best friend first and I always will be."
You didn't just say that once to make me feel better, you proved that to me the entire year.

Remember everyday when we're constantly texting and we have nothing exciting to talk about but don't want to stop talking? I believe your exact words are always "meow."
And we never judge each other for secretly being cats.

Dear Best Friend

It seems like we talk a lot about how much we love us and how cute our friendship is, but we never tell that to anyone else. So this is just me telling everyone (and by everyone I mean the select few people who read my blog) that I, Melissa Tamar Oxenhandler could not be more proud and honored to call you my best friend. 

Dear Best Friend,

Today was not your day, and I wish I lived closer to you because if I did I would have come to your house with endless amounts of ice cream and watched awful reality tv shows with you all night.

I'm sorry that you had a bad day, and that maybe right now you feel like not much is going the way you want it to, but if there's one thing I admire about you most it's your ability to pick yourself up and keep going, and I know that's what you're going to do.

Dear Best Friend,

If there's anything you've taught me in the last few years it's to go after what you want, and take everything life throws at you head on. Because that's what you always do.

Love forever and always,

~Melissa Tamar

 

The Wrong Way

"I don't do wrong things in life, I just carry out the right things in life in the wrong way"

If I had to name one thing that I think everyone should strive to do it would be doing the right thing. Hold the door open for people. Pick up trash when you see it. Don't say offensive things. Do your part. I don't think many people intentionally try to do the wrong thing, but if they didn't why do so many things still seem to go wrong? Probably not because we do the wrong things, but because we do the right things in the wrong way. 

I found this quote on my Facebook the other day after someone posted it as their status. Amidst a sea of mundane stati this one stood out to me, and I think it did because the person who posted it is someone that I've spent a few months thinking of as someone who did the wrong thing. 

I don't really need to tell the whole story, so I'll just say this: I really liked this person, and as far as I know, they really liked me. In the end, things didn't work out because we didn't get to see each other often and communication wasn't exactly his strong suit. We stopped talking completely for a long time and I spent the entire four months of silence mad at him for not trying harder. I got over it enough to talk to him again, but vowed to never be the one to start the conversation, because that way I could never be the one that got ignored. 

Looking at the whole situation from the point of view that we did the right thing in the wrong way changes everything. 

I realize now that he didn't do the wrong thing. He was just being honest with himself and with me that things weren't going to work. He just did it the wrong way. 

He probably could have just said "Melissa, this isn't working." or "This is going to be too hard." He could have just been honest. But really, he was being honest. He was just being honest the wrong way.

I probably could have done things differently too. I could have tried harder to communicate instead of leaving it up to him. I could have listened when he said it would be hard. I thought I was doing the right thing by trying to protect myself from getting hurt. I truly think protecting myself was the right thing to do. I just did it the wrong way. 

Just in case he's reading this, I'm sure you know who you are, and there's one thing that I want to say: I forgive you. I forgive you for not talking to me. I forgive you for being honest with me that us being "us" was going to be too hard. I forgive you for anything and everything that I was mad at you about. I forgive you because I know you tried to do the right thing, and that maybe we both just did things the wrong way. And I hope you can forgive me for being mad at you for so long. 

"I don't do wrong things in life, I just carry out the right things in life in the wrong way"

~Melissa Tamar

To the people of Palmer High School

You may know me as the 2012/2013 school year special events editor, the 2012/2011 features editor and a 2011/2010 school year staff writer for the Lever.

If you read the December issue of Lever, which you probably did if you found my blog, you know that I said my New Years Resolution was to blog more often. If you read the last post on here, appropriately titled "Resolutions," you will see that this actually isn't my main, or my only resolution. It is, however, the one I will be keeping you updated on in the Lever. Of course, you can always stay updated here by seeing if I post anything.

If you did actually find this blog by reading the Lever, let me just say this: I LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE YOU. Not only for reading the Lever but for following up on what you read.

Just a quick reminder though: this blog is 100% my own. These are my opinions, my thoughts, and my ideas. Yes I write for Lever and I wrote about this blog in Lever, but it is in fact my blog. If you disagree with something I say, have a question or a comment, do not take it up with Lever, take it up with me. This blog holds my personal opinions, which are not in any way meant to express the opinions of Lever.

Once again, if you got here by reading my article for Lever's New Years Resolution, I LOVE YOU.

Hope you enjoy my blog, because if you're reading this, I enjoy YOU!

~Melissa Tamar

Resolutions.

Every year I halfheartedly pick a New Year's Resolution because I feel obligated to. Every year, like most of the world, I give up within the first week of the year.

This year is different though. This year I didn't start on my resolution the second the ball dropped. I didn't even make one until a few days later. This year is also different in the fact that my resolution isn't something that can be strictly measured or something I can really fail at. This year, whether it's to a great extent or a little one, I can actually accomplish my resolution.

To be the best version of myself that I can possibly be.

Ok so this sounds a little vague. How do I know what the best version of myself is? How do I get there? How do I measure that?
That's the point of this resolution though. I don't know yet what the best version of myself is, but as long as I strive to be that, I will at least be a better version of myself, and that is all I can ask for.

I don't know yet what it means or how to be the best version of myself.

It could mean taking better care of myself: eating right, working out, flossing more often.
It could mean moving on from the past: stop holding grudges, forgive people, live in the present.
It could mean being less lazy and more helpful: doing my chores, watching less tv.

It could honestly mean any or all of those things. I don't know yet, but I plan to find out this year, and for many years to come.

From this day forward, I, Melissa Tamar Oxenhandler, am going to be the absolute best version of myself I could possibly be.

Here's my second resolution: to blog more often.

Hopefully in my effort to be a better me I will come across some blog worthy moments, which means every accomplishment I make in my resolution will end up right here, so keep (or start) reading to find out how I do.

~Melissa Tamar